Consider the Lilies

Here’s a link to the blog Kellie and Kristen will be maintaining throughout their journey and information about their hearts for Cambodia. 

Leave lots of supportive comments for them. 

http://kellieandkristen.wordpress.com

Live free. Dream far.

My two very best friends are traveling to the other end of the planet in forty-eight hours.  They are going to Cambodia. That’s  in Southeast Asia and while I can’t figure out how to make Google maps tell me how many miles away that is from good-ole Kingwood, TX, I do know it’s far, far away. They are going to save the world.  I have zero hesitations that they will do just that. They will undoubtedly change the worlds of so many women and children affected by the sex trafficking industry.  The Lord spoke the nation of Cambodia over their hearts almost a year ago and since then, they have prayed, trusted, and on Tuesday, they will obediently follow Jesus to Phnom Penh, Cambodia. They will be working with women and children pulled from the sex industry in after care facilities. They will be traveling to local villages advocating for change.  They will be spreading love, hope, joy, and faith.  I could not pick two better individuals to send on this mission.  So good job, God.  Another spectacular deployment on Your behalf.

Over the last year, I have watched the Lord equip and strengthen them in more ways thought imaginable. These two women have abilities they are not even aware they possess.  Both of them possesses one hell of an inner-strength. The kind of strength that resonates through the room and through each and every action.  One possesses such a strong sense of compassion for those that she is around that she has the ability to talk with anyone and walk with them through their struggles. The other possesses a profound sense of sensitivity. You wouldn’t ever guess it if you didn’t know her well, but it’s there and it’s beautiful.  She will sit and cry with you, she will sit and laugh with you, she will sit and fight with you. She has an acute mental sensibility that puts her in tune with the emotions of others.  Like an electric impulse, she feels you.  She feels you deep within her heart.  The best thing about this one – the one with the sensitivity – she always knows exactly what to say and what to do.  It’s amazing.  One of them carries the joy of the Lord on every inch of her skin. Even in the toughest, most awkward or difficult of situations, that joy hovers like an umbrella over everything.  The other carries a deep love with her into every single relationship.  She’s the most loyal friend I know. She’d drop anything to be by my side.  Both women have such a deep intimacy with the Lord, experiencing both seasons of hiddenness and manifestation,  in such they posses some crazy wisdom about the Lord and how He thinks.  These women are poised, tactful, thoughtful, peaceful and loving.  Not to mention, they both can go an unnumbered amount of days without showering (as, shamelessly, we all can), eat endless amounts of Luna bars in substitution for meals without complaining,  and can go without suitable hours of sleep for extended periods of time.  They are awesome and they are ready.

As I sit here, writing this on the patio of my parents’ home with a warm fire blazing, sipping on a glass of Merlot, entertaining our chocolate lab with a tennis ball, talking to my totally awesome hottubbing parents, I’m feeling rather comfortable.  I realize how uncomfortable they are going to be while in Cambodia. Hot nights with no air conditioning, mile long walks to villages, limited access to healthy food and water – quite the opposite of what we are all used to.  I realize how ‘uncomfortable’ a lot of people in the world live and how much I – we all – take for granted.  Through all of our early morning prayer breakfasts this past semester, I have come to realize even deeper how fortunate I am and mostly, how we all possess the strength of the Lord and as a result, we are all capable of producing change.  It’s inspiring.  It’s motivation to live from a place of dreaming – to live in The Land of Always Will Be.  In sum, please join me in praying for these women during their time in Cambodia. Pray for safety. Pray for change. Pray for opportunity. Pray for the people. Pray for every single thing you think of. Pray.

Early this Fall semester, while worshiping with a group of friends, the Lord gave me an image of them walking the streets of Phnom Penh with huge smiles on their faces.  At one point, one was bent over giving a young child a bowl of food. I was overcome with joy at the image in my head and started silently cying. My best friends were glowing – they were lights in a dark city.  So, Kellie and Kristen, go be just that.  Light it up.  Be the Jesus.  I love you both deeply and in time I’m certain I’ll deal with my anxiety over you two leaving for five weeks in a healthy manner.  I’ll rest in the fact that the Lord has equipped you both to do spectacular things.

Listen for my bird call. Oooooo Ooooo!!

Life in the studio has been rich, juicy, productive, joyful, comforting, soothing, sweet, and fresh. I’ve been trying to document life by taking pictures with my phone – you know… the day-to-day events, moments, events, people, happenings, etc. that typically go unnoticed and unpraised.  This is something that I have always wanted to do but just had zero desire to carry around my big Nikon camera. However, this time, I was inspired by a photographer based in Seattle who takes pictures from his iPhone and shares them on his blog. His are 100 times better/more interesting than mine but, I entertained the idea for a couple of days, found it to be really rewarding and kept snapping pictures when I could.  It helps me live in the present and not get caught up in what tomorrow brings. It helps me search for and enjoy the small things in a day. And, it’s nice to look back and be thankful for those moments.  Really, it helps me remember: live it up, life is good, and Jesus loves you.

Anyways, this post is full of pictures that I’ve taken. At the end of the Spring semester, I plan on doing a big project with all the pictures that I accumulate over the next couple of months. Should be awesome.

Right now if you were to ask me what I want to do for a career I probably say something along the lines of art therapy with children or women or everyone.  Most people smile, nod, and say something along the lines of: “Oh, so great.  Very interesting. You’d be wonderful at that.” All while thinking: That’s the most abstract, unperceptive – perhaps meaningful – but really just unreliable thing of a career ever. Gooooood luck with thatttt. Art therapy it is slightly abstract, proudly unperceptive, highly meaningful, and perfectly flexible. And, I love it. Art therapists provide counseling to people through the creative arts – painting, drawing, sculpting, scrapbooking, knitting, etc.  Whether it is forming a relationship through arts that allows them to feel safe to open up or walking alongside of them as they exhale their emotions/experiences/lives through art while teaching them creative techniques to express their innerbeings.  The past semester I’ve had kids come to the studio and create. I’ve pretty much just let them do whatever they want – go crazy, paint what they want where they want.  No worries – I haven’t been practicing any psychotherapy techniques on them. I don’t know any. But, the level of enjoyment that I get when creating with these kids has been really reaffirming. Here are a few pictures of my visiting artists.

Furthermore,

Read this book if you haven’t already:                      And, prepare to celebrate this:

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

Christmas!!

Moving on, my mentor just recently celebrated a birthday. This lovely lady (mother of Liam, Burke, Blythe, & Olive) is a truly special child of God. She has taught me so much over the past year and I often struggle with picturing life without her by my side – or at least fifteen minutes away. She has taught me how to be a peaceful woman of the Lord, what it means to “give it up to the Lord,” finding my identity in Christ, what being a son of God looks like, the importance of confession, and so many more things.  She happens to be one of the best cooks I know; my Wednesday night dinners with the Douglass clan tends to be my best meal of the week – company and food wise. She’s always accepting and inviting others into her home.  She also uses the word “peeps” flawlessly, proving the word “peeps” is still an everyday nomenclature.  I love that whatever it is I’m talking about or venting about or asking for advice about or being reasonably uncool about, she always has the perfect response. She’d never admit this but she is so wise and so wonderful at ministering to me (and many others). She’s always honest, loving, and straightforward. I always walk away feeling heard, understood, and loved. Whether I know what to do or not, it’s always beneficial.  She’s the kind of woman that people feel peaceful around because they are around her.  My soul is peaceful, at rest, and calmed when in her home and her presence.  She is my reference, my boss, my mentor, and my friend.

Here’s to you, Bethany!

My birthday entry isn’t as good as yours are but, happy (late) birthday! You are amazing and I’m so thankful to do life with someone as great as you.

Anyways,  in sum:

Daily Reminders

Believe the best in people,  speak with intention,

love & accept others unconditionally,  live free.dream far,

and the unseen is eternal.

Love.

PS: Blogging is hard for me.  Not only time-wise, but like, internet-ly, technologically, and HTMLly wise.

Fall has finally begun to show itself little by little and with that, ideas and inspiration have been a plentiful at the studio.  Here are a few photos to document the past few weeks.

This is community canvas that I put up for First Friday this month. The best part of this was watching people walk up to the canvas, look at everything that had been painted, and then take time to think about what they were going to add. I was totally giddy the whole night watching people add their special touch. There’s a lot of different languages, animals and flowers. Pretty neat. Josh (landlord) and I are going to try something a little different next time. A little more guiding in hopes of ending with something little less muddy.

Train tracks literally run ten feet from the door of my studio. Most would think this is totally annoying but I absolutely love it. Every time I hear the train whistles, I hurriedly stop what I’m doing and run to the back door to watch it go by.  The trains are so huge! And so fast! And so heavy! It’s just kind of awing. Also! Mostly! The graffiti art on the side of the cars that goes by is really remarkable.  Its very inspiring.  So inspiring that I decided to pick up my own can of spray paint…

This is what I spent the majority of Saturday creating. This isn’t quite the finished piece – it actually turned out a little different.  But this is just spray paint on canvas. I just layered and layered the spray paint to the create the textures and colors.  I really enjoyed creating this. I don’t do abstract very often so it was nice to use a different medium in a different form.  I plan on continuing playing and  experimenting with aresol – the little control you have over where the paint goes is exciting! If you ever feel the urge to give me something, I’ll take any color of spray paint. Thanks. I love spray paint.  However, the fumes from spray paint, make the studio smell weird and make me say weird things. For example,  my response of “Oh, yes. Perhaps. Maybe. Sure…umm, Yes, yes, please” to the guy at the hardware store upon asking me if I’d like my receipt for the 8 cans of spray paint I was buying. Awesome. Probably not very reassuring for him.  So to get rid of the weird smell and not so much the weird behavior…

I bought a delightful fall candle at Hobby Lobby! It smells fantastic – it smells like fall! Anyways, in sum, spray paint fumes > candle scent. The candle absolutely bombed in overcoming, much less equalizing, the paint fumes. Vortex of fail anyone?

Anyways, I’ve been spray painting the leaves onto my wooden door, working on Shepherd’s nursery piece and some sketches for my mom. All three projects are almost done! Progress is being made and projects are wrapping up! So fulfilling. Also! Feel free to stop by the studio this Thursday evening. A group of us will be praying, painting and taking communion! 9pm!

If I don’t write about this now, then I never will.

The name of this picture is The Land of Always Will Be. I took this picture this summer in response to being asked by Ari to take a photograph that illustrates a song that I have a deep connection with.  This summer I probably listened to Priscilla Ahn’s “Dream” about 19,234, 432,234 times and this song and I do indeed have a deep connection. The song begins with a little girl who is constantly dreaming and using her imagination: “I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me. I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.“  Such great imagery. It continues with: “long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I’m suppose to be. The stars smiled down at me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep. I had a dream that I could fly from the highest tree. I had a dream.“  The song ends with the girl grown up and feeling “old and gray” and “willing to leave this life.”   At first I interpreted (and still do) this as meaning that she was disappointed in the life she was leading when she was old and gray and how she desired to get back to the world she once lived in and believed possible as a little girl. I don’t think this is what Priscilla is exactly  intending to convey but that’s what it means to me. Whatever. To each his own, right? Moving on…

This song means a whole lot to me because I feel like my life is the exact opposite. I grew up, as a little girl, with a lot of pressure to excel, with very strict and clear expectations of me. There just was not a whole lot of room left for dreaming and imagining and exploring. But, since coming to know the Lord a little over two years ago, I’m finally living in a reality where dreams come true and our wildest imaginations are indeed possible. When I began walking with Jesus, the possibilities became endless. I choose to live in this reality – The Land of Always Will Be.

Now, The Land of Always Will Be is a term that was taught to me by my best friend, Kristen. She learned the term and it’s meaning from a mentor and graciously passed it on to me; and it left a hugely lasting impact on my outlook on life.  The Land of Always Will Be is, simply, heaven evading earth. I feel like I see a lot of Believers live their lives kind of waiting and expecting to experience the power of Jesus once they go to heaven.   This is true – we will experience the Lord and all of His glory in heaven. But, what about now while we’re here on this earth, in this kingdom? God is king of all things – heaven and earth.  So, shouldn’t the powerful things of Jesus that take place in heaven also be capable of taking place here on earth? Yes.  Absolutely.  The powerful wonders of Jesus are just as probable to take place here on earth as they are in sweet, sweet heaven.

So, when you look at this picture, it’s colorful and mysterious; a glimpse into a fantasy world almost. But, this picture was captured right here on earth. In a little park in the little suburb of Kingwood, Texas. This earth is covered with the colorful and powerful mysteries of Jesus Christ. This picture, to me and hopefully to you now, is a reminder that, as Believers, we live in that world – we live in the Almighty Kingdom of God.  A place where all things are possible, where the things we write off as happening ‘only in our dreams’, can happen here. Right now. On earth. Through Jesus Christ – the living God. The Land of Always Will Be: where Jesus always will be who He says He is, where He will always be doing the powerful things He tells us He is capable of, and where He is fulfilling all the things He promises to us, His children.

It is hard, as Believers, to live in the reality of The Land of Always Will Be. It is a choice that I have to think about daily. It’s weird and different from the ordinary world that we function within.  To me, following Jesus is following Him into The Land of Always Will Be – where the craziest things are possible and where we might be asked to do totally weird things.  We have to seek this Land out of the ordinary world and be willing to challenge our defaults.  Like Thad said at church tonight: truly following Jesus and obeying his commands looks weird. It doesn’t look “normal” to a lot of people. But, by faithfully following Jesus, we’re proving to them, by love and how we live our lives, that God and His Kingdom are real. We can show them: “Look, it’s right here.  Me, along with a bunch of other people, live in it right now, everyday. And you too can be a part of this world, this Kingdom; a Kingdom where dreams come true, where the possibilities are endless and where fountains of love, hope, and joy are overflowing. Won’t you come join us for eternity? We promise it only gets better from here.”

My hope for myself and every Believer is that: in all you do, seek first the Kingdom. Strive to consistently live in The Land of Always Will Be.  Follow hard after your dreams because you believe they are entirely possible. Do not be afraid to challenge your defaults. Following Jesus is weird, right? Yup. Delight in the weirdness. It is your calling, alongside the church, to follow and obey Him.  Through this, we can show people the true nature of our God and His kingdom.

The Land of Always Will Be. Get there and stay a while forever.

I started this blog to chronicle my venture down my path of creating art – a venture I knew was going to be full of ups, downs, and sidewayses. Mostly, I’ve written of things thoroughly detailing the ups – fantastic space and fantastic landlord. But, up until a few weeks ago,  things have been kind of down.  I spent a lot of July getting situated in my new space and trying to get into a rhythm of creating.  But, after a few weeks, I realized that I still hadn’t produced anything exciting or anything that I was proud of – much less produced much of anything at all.  Simply, it was unproductive.  I chalked this up as being rusty in the creative process, cloudy memories of proper techniques and my untrained eye for lines.

WRONG. I was afraid. I was living in fear. I was scared of my passion that was redeemed by the Lord; something He has given me, a path and nudge in the right direction.  I didn’t want to fail. My brain went to the moon and back thinking and analyzing what could and might happen. Everything happened so fast. So many people expecting great things from someone who rents a “studio.”  What if I couldn’t do it anymore? What if my parents don’t approve? What if people don’t like my art? Do I even have a voice or personal style?  Not once did I think to just go! create! paint! make it up as you go! splash color around! live! do what you feel!

It took a pretty crappy week towards the end of July for me to finally paint something.  And, that something was a spoon.  Yes, something you would eat your Mom’s homemade chicken noodle soup off of.  An old spoon  from the silver set that my parents’ received when they were married that they had given to me when I left for college. It’s this beautiful, solid silver utensil set that has always (oddly) meant the world to me.  Full of scratches and dents from usage and a few trips down the garbage disposal; I’ve always loved it.  So, I painted it.  And, it sold. To a lady in Houston.  For some nice cash.  So! Artists! Creators! GO! Go step into your passion. Go step into your calling.  Shake off your chains of fear and go do what you love. We’re creators because He is a creator! We have the creativity of the most creative Artist running through our blood. God has given you your dreams for a reason. Live free. Dream farther.

After selling Old Spoon on August 17th, the rest of August has been busy with other things.  Traveling to Alabama, spending time at home and gearing up for senior year.  At times, I can feel myself being crippled by fear. But, then I remember I sold a painting of an old spoon I created in a day.  I remember: you can do this. follow your dreams. be who you are. worship Jesus. God is your provider. live in freedom and delight in all that you do.  And then, I start painting golden leaves on a purple tree on an old wooden door. I start throwing bright greens, reds and blues onto canvases. I start drawing red and yellow finches and canaries.  I start creating. And, it feels good.

So, as I sit here in bed, forcing myself to stay up and write this,  I conclude with the color purple. I’ve probably used about eight tubes of purple painting this tree on the door.  This can get really boring, painting with the same shades over and over, but it’s still fun. So fun that I put a little purple in my hair. Permanently. A little reminder to keep pushing, keep believing, and keep diving deeper.

Pictures of everything coming soon.

I feel like his appearance changes every time I see him.  Different glasses.  Beard.  No beard. Hat.  And, while his appearance changes constantly, inwardly the man is as constant as the oscillating fan that cools the studio space he leases me.  He is consistently kind, generous, welcoming, fair, accessible, entertaining, humble beyond belief, dependable, brilliant, professional, hilarious, encouraging and inspiring.  While our interactions have been limited, there hasn’t been one conversation where I haven’t walked away either completely inspired, blown away, crying from laughing so hard or genuinely excited to be an artist.  Landlord is consistently so many different things – husband, father, artist, professor, student, landlord, revolutionary.  The most important thing about this is that he is absolutely genius while functioning in all of these roles, seemingly fulfilling them with sincerity, love, dedication, and enthusiasm.   All I have to say is, I am one lucky tenant.

While Landlord happily fulfills all said roles, Landlord lives for creating art. I don’t know much about his life prior to College Station or how he fell into doing art, but I do know that he has this deep, somewhat strange, affinity for creating.  He is a talented and brilliant artist in every sense.   This statement alone is why I find him to be so fascinating. He’s an artist to the definition but then he is completely his own definition.  In no way does he fit the typical artist stigma.  You know -  thick rimmed glasses, somewhat pretentious, maybe a wool scarf draping their shoulders, highly restrained relationships, no social skills, no relatable sense of humor, virtually inaccessible, and someone who creates art that no one can afford much less understand.   No. Landlord is more than that. He’s accessible, friendly, humble, overly conversational, wicked hilarious, and intentional.  Yes. Landlord does have some pretty eccentric, contradictory and unexpected traits; such as: Landlord likes the door locked at all times.  He likes walrus legends.  He is outgoing and conversational, yet quiet and mysterious.  You can tell he has his rules and sticks to them.  Landlord is also very direct. Landlord loves his wife and children and values this more than anything, even art.  He has sunglass frames for glasses and he listens to everything from folk singer/ songwriters to the world’s premier gangster rappers.  The best, most exciting part about all of this, is that this Landlord has got something to say.  And, when interesting, indefinable people have something to say, we all should shut up and take note.

Whether it’s something he is expressing for himself or something he is expressing for the rest of us, all of Landlord’s work makes you think.  That’s all he wants from you. You don’t have to like it and you don’t have to buy it. But he does want you to think and be challenged or just have a good laugh. You’ll find yourself mostly cracking up, perhaps a little weirded out, maybe a little uncomfortable when studying his art but it will never fail to provoke something within you.  There will be something that you can understand, maybe even relate to, and perhaps find yourself pondering about what it made you feel, regardless if you wanted to think about it that much or not.   Landlord never takes himself overly seriously yet is very serious about what he does.  He has something to say.  It might be about huge walruses, designer high heels, disappearing rabbits, robot vacuums, Anna Nicole Smith or him as a brother, he’s got something to tell us and we should listen.  And, all of his art is pretty.  You like looking at his talent, skill and precision with his media of choice, envious in how the hell he was able to make it look how it does.

His work crosses the socially constructed barriers between the world and the art community.  Landlord is creating art that both worlds can appreciate and love.  His art encourages people to think about the things around them, how they live their lives and what happens in their society, all while being totally down to earth.  He allows more and more people to feel connected to art. Not in Andy Warhol way but in a totally better, different, unique Landlord way.  He respects and encourages different genres of art; he simply wants there to be art out there for everyone because he holds to that art is for everyone.   Once telling me, “Even the southern conservative should have equal voice.” This being said makes me really thankful that Landlord also takes time to be an educator.  He teaches at the University, passing on both his skill and his point of view.   Simply, Landlord is a huge deal and people who know him, know this.

As I sit here in my space typing this, listening to Landlord’s various music tunes in the next room, I think about how thankful I am to have a creative space of my own, much less a space that borders Landlord’s genius.  I find myself praying regularly, regardless of the impossibility of it, that his wisdom and talent would transfer through the walls, to me, via osmosis.   Not only hoping that it will help me become a better artist but a better person as well.

So, my landlord, you ask?  The thirty year old, New York native, Mr. Joshua Bienko.   With all above said, I challenge you to visit his website here, check out his work and try not to be provoked in some way.   Trust me people – you want to jump on the Bienko-bandwagon soon because it’s going places fast.  And, don’t fret.  This bandwagon is hilarious, provoking, inclusive and downright fun.

And, Landlord, if you ever read this, thanks for opening up your secret space to me.   I can’t thank you enough.

Monday was a big day.

I got the key to the studio and with the help of Kristen and Andrew, I was able to completely set up my space.  This included moving old furniture around, setting up fans,  hanging the canvas back drop, sweeping, and figuring out how to logistically hang the lights.  Kristen was the decorator and Andrew  the electrician.  Both patiently put up with my Type A -get-it-done-well personality and still loved me at the end of the night.  Thanks guys.

While I’ve posted pictures below of my set up, the space is larger than what you see.  I’m only using about half of what I technically could occupy.  On top of the space that I have, there is also the balcony that over looks Main St. of downtown Bryan that I’m able to enjoy.  The space is not very well air conditioned, with just one little vent to cool a really large area;  so it tends to get a little hot and sweaty but nothing that fans can’t help.  Honestly, the space is so wonderful and perfect that I could care less about getting sweaty while I’m there.  Hopefully visitors won’t mind.

The studio is much more than physical space that I rent.  It is a sanctuary of sorts – a place where I can escape to to worship and create alone, away from distractions.  While I’m paying for this space, the studio is a gift and an answer to many prayers.  It is a lamp for my path – a path that, for the first time in a long time, I’m genuinely excited to be traveling.  Since I’m paying to occupy this space, it makes me feel like I need to be there to utilize it for what it has been made to do.  It forces me to be serious about art.  It turns art into something more than just a hobby that I do for myself.   Now, creating art has become an act of obedience, a responsibility,  a duty that I find joy, hope, intimacy and purpose in doing.  This, my friends, is a really good thing.

So, Main Street.  Above the Dollar General in downtown Bryan.  Come visit, say hello, bring me coffee and see some art.

This is a blog.  My blog.  Where does the word blog even come from?

Regardless, may this be a testament of creating for the Kingdom.

Ahhmen.

Independence, TX. Lighted church tour.